Family and Friends

Big birthday weekend

June 19, 2012 By mummyk 10 Comments

It was great to have a big weekend. We don’t do that often. Although we were absolutely exhausted by Sunday night, we had such a great time – and hubby had a great weekend birthday. And more importantly, it was all free except for the date night movie and visit to Lindt.

Saturday morning was spent educating ourselves about Taronga Zoo’s Fish4Life campaign – supporting sustainable fishing so our kids can still have fish when they’re our age. I highly suggest you go to their site and read up. Plus, it was so much fun watching the Sea Lions perform and the opportunity to meet Nala.

It was pouring all day so the queue to the giraffe feeding hour wasn’t that long. We finally had the chance to feed the giraffe. Two animal encounters in one day! The little one was absolutely loving it.

Saturday night was adult night so we got a sitter and went out for dinner and a movie. Cabin the Woods is absolutely fantastic. Joss Whedon is movie god incarnate. It’s so nice to finish a movie and not go ‘WTF was that?’. We got desserts after for some adult discussion on the movie. It’s nice sometimes not having to tame your words because there are little ones around.

Sunday was spent at the movies for the exclusive premiere of Brave (in cinemas June 21). It was a great movie and it totally made me cry. Thank god it was dark and I had 3D glasses on. You know how it is — mother and daughter theme and all that – about finding your own identity despite society’s expected norm. We always love movies like that eh? I was hugging my little one so much. I highly recommend bringing tissues.

Yesterday, my daughter asked if she could learn how to do archery. Another lesson for the future – on top of karate, ice skating, piano etc.

After a nice lunch with Brenda and the kidlets, we went off to Madame Tussauds to grope Elle McPherson’s and Angelina Jolie’s boobies. We also had a family photo with US President Obama, after my brief speech with Prime Minister Julia Gillard. My little one is a huge fan of Iron Man so that was a great highlight for her.

The afternoon finished perfectly with a visit to Lindt café where hubby’s first try at the waffle was deterred by MiniMe’s fork that kept stealing it. I made Bobotie and oven puff cake for a sparkler and candlelit dinner, which ended with Kung Pow – the most ridiculous movie ever but hubby’s favourite. His birthday present was a shower radio, by the way, because his real gift was a month early (some music thing I don’t understand).

It was exhausting but absolutely fun.

Filed Under: Family and Friends Tagged With: birthday, brave, disney, fish4life, lindt, madame tussauds, taronga zoo

When I grow up…

June 8, 2012 By mummyk 9 Comments

I never dreamed of becoming a mother. Since I can remember, it wasn’t in my list of things to do when I grow up. I remember making my doll hump my GI Joes but never at the point where they made babies (the GI always pulled out or maybe he was shooting blanks — a GI shooting blanks, get it? Get it?).

Although I don’t regret being a mum, it always freaks me out everytime a pause happens and it sinks in.

I am a mum. I am a freakin mum. Yes I only have one child (and that’s enough for me thank you very much) but for someone who didn’t dream of becoming a mum, one is plenty.

When it sinks in, I get this heavy feeling knowing that I’m going to be responsible for someone else’s life for the rest of my life. And yes hubby is there but everyone always blames the mum when something shitty happens (like them growing up to become gang leaders or serial killers of the non Dexter variety).

This responsibility is for always. I am responsible for another human being’s life, which is really daunting given that I’m barely responsible enough to handle my own damn existence.

It never ends and it gets more difficult as they grow older. I want to shoot the people who told me that the first four months of the child’s life is the hardest stage. Bloody liars. That was the easiest bit. The absolute walk in the park with donuts and milkshake. After that phase passes, things get trickier, busier and dirtier (literally and figuratively). Sometimes, I think I don’t only need a home economics degree, I also need a medical degree, political degree, or 10 qualifications in psychology. I should’ve taken on a different course in uni! Compared to this, journalism is chicken feed.

Fuck a duck, I’m a mother.

Filed Under: Family and Friends Tagged With: mother, motherhood, raising kids

After the Staycation

May 28, 2012 By mummyk 2 Comments

I woke up at eight in the morning. It turns out no matter where I am, I can’t sleep for more than eight hours. But it was a surprise to find myself having a straight night’s sleep again.

I spent my staycation catching up with friends, watching a movie, having chocolate, shopping (or trying to anyway since I couldn’t find anything I needed to buy), having dinner and writing non work stuff.

I left the TV on all night, as I usually do when I’m alone in a hotel room. I woke up and changed the channel. I found the Filipino news story and it almost felt like I was in a hotel room in the Philippines. I opened the drapes to find I was still in Sydney.

A friend asked me what I hoped to get out of the staycation. It took me a moment to answer back, not because I didn’t want to sound like a selfish mother, but because I never really deeply thought about the reason.

Peace. I said.

It’s not to say that my life is that chaotic. I do only have one child and she is mostly an angel. I meant peace from responsibilities. I don’t have to take care of someone else but myself. I don’t have to be on guard so much to see if it’s time to feed her, bathe her, wipe her bottom, put her to bed and so on. These are basic needs of a child that the mother in me knows how to do. And they are not that hard. But the person in me just wants to have no responsibility. Even just for a day and night. I just wanted to have time to think about just my needs and not be on the clock.

The thing is, I also know I can only do this for one day and one night. I am very sure that if I stayed in this staycation mode for another day, I would be tearing my hair out – missing my child, missing my family, my husband’s hugs, my dogs’ excited greetings, even my always messy house. I do want to go back home – go back to juggling working from home with taking care of a child and managing the household all at the same time (basically juggling three full time jobs eh?). I like being busy but this pause is also needed. And it’s going to be once a year.

Staycation 2013 – Hilton, Sydney. Any sponsors?

Filed Under: Family and Friends Tagged With: hilton, mother's day, motherhood, staycation

I’m in a funk

May 18, 2012 By mummyk 8 Comments

It’s one of those moments when everything is hard, or seems harder.

The uncertainty is causing much anxiety. It’s hard to sleep and when I do, my mind is on overdrive.

Are we moving? Are we going to be okay? Are we going interstate? For how long? Three years? Forever?

At least now I’m sure we’re not going to London. Or I think I’m sure.

Uncertainty. Again.

I’m exhausted. I want to run away. To disappear. To just be in a cave somewhere and never come out.

I’m a worse mother because of all this. I’m always thinking. Researching. I can’t just be. I can’t enjoy the moment.

I’m flexible and I’m lucky my job is flexible too. I know I can adapt even if we end up in a tiny town somewhere in woopwoop. It’s not where we are going. It’s the vagueness of things, which means I can’t plan. It’s not being able to help speed up the process, or control the outcome.

I’ve written down things I could do short of doing an actual diagram with arrows of ‘ifs’ and ‘thens’. I guess it’s that side of me again – the one that wants to be in control all the time, or contribute to the process. When it’s all beyond what I can do, it irritates me and makes me anxious.

Wherever we end up though, I’m sure it’s for the right reasons.

But for now, I really really want to take up drinking again.

Filed Under: Family and Friends Tagged With: friends, home, london, moving, Work related

The tricky world of adult friendships

May 14, 2012 By mummyk 2 Comments

I think as we grow older, it gets harder to find friends – real friends, ones you would be willing to trust and who trusts you back.

As a migrant, it was hard for me to connect in my new environment, especially since all of my closest friends were everywhere else but the country I moved in.

It took me a while to find my circle here – I think it was mainly because I was still hanging desperately on to keep myself updated with everything that was related to my old friends’ lives – even if circumstances have changed.

When I finally allowed myself to move forward, and opened my eyes to the possibilities of new friendships, it was there when I found it again – new friends, real friends, fun friends.

Sure, there were false starts along the way, but I think in this cynical age you have to gamble some to win some. I have found really great friendships here.

Some had initial turbulence, and at one point I even believed the friendship wouldn’t recover. But I guess if there was something there in the first place, there will always be something to go back to – only if both parties are willing to discuss things openly, in all honesty and without agendas.

It’s hard making real friends at this age. But it’s also not impossible.

Filed Under: Family and Friends Tagged With: friends, friendships

Mother’s Day Staycation

May 10, 2012 By mummyk 6 Comments

This year I made my decision early on what present I want for Mother’s Day – a staycation (not on the actual day itself, but later on in the month).

I’ve booked myself a room in a nice hotel (but not too expensive) in the city and I will be staying there for a night sans family.

Some of you are probably screaming “selfish bitch” while some of you are turning green with envy.

A staycation, I realised, is what I want each year. One day a year, I want to be a person – not a mum, not a wife, not a cook, a cleaner and all that.

I’m a bit of a loner with a dash of hermit so being on my own is something I cherish – even more so after having a child. When I was living in Singapore, I was on my own, doing my own thing and not answering to anyone about my activities. I sometimes miss that freedom.

Why not get out of the house when she’s at daycare?

That’s the thing. I work when she’s at daycare. I work like a horse. I don’t have time to walk around the city for no apparent reason. If I were to exert the effort to go on a train and go to the city, there has to be a purpose – and it can’t be just one purpose because otherwise I find that’s a waste of time as well.

And no, going out of the house to do the groceries or shop for kids’ stuff is not considered “going out”.

For this one day(ish) and one night of staycation, I plan to dine alone, watch a movie alone, sleep alone and have breakfast in my room alone. I might write. I might walk around and take photos. I might indulge in gourmet chocolates. I might sleep with the TV on (this is a habit I’ve done since I can check in a hotel room on my own – sleep with the TV on CNN). I might have a bath or a mani pedi. I might even do nothing and just be.

But whatever I do, I know this is what I want. I am so looking forward to this.

And if any of you PR people want to sponsor my next staycation, then I so welcome it.

So mums, book your staycations NOW!

Filed Under: Family and Friends Tagged With: mother's day, mums, staycation

It’s too early in the morning for world issues

May 7, 2012 By mummyk 2 Comments

I turned on the Filipino news story on TV to find a segment about how CNN featured poverty in the Philippines. You’re only catching up now, CNN?

I watched anyway, even if I already knew it. Because as it turns out, I didn’t know things have gotten even worse.

The segment showed families going through other people’s rubbish, looking for food. I know this isn’t new but these people were looking for meat rubbish – you know, the bits we chop off and throw in the bin? Like innards, meat bones and fish bits. The woman said she’s going to wash it. They showed her washing the meat bits and putting it in a wok, and feeding it to the kids.

I couldn’t help but let out an “Oh my god”, enough for my daughter to notice the distress in my voice.

So she asked why I was worried.

For a moment, I battled whether or not to introduce the ugly things in life to my little angel whose only issue is whether or not she can watch Octonauts all day.

I decided to tell her.

I told her that there are kids in the Philippines who don’t have homes, who don’t have much to eat, or anything to eat at all, who don’t have toys or parents who love them.

“The Philippines we went to where your mum and your dad lives, called Lolo and Lola?” was her little question.

“Yes.”

“Maybe we should give them clothes, and toys and food,” she said in her little worried voice.

I held in tears because those words were so familiar. I used to say that when I was around her age. I’d imagine growing up, having a great job, being so rich that I could adopt a couple of those kids and give them a better life.

I gave my little one a cuddle. Even though she’s battling a fever, she still wanted to help other kids she doesn’t even know.

My heart feels like it’s about to burst. I am so proud of my little one.

Filed Under: Family and Friends, The world Tagged With: CNN, Philippines, poverty

Choosing a daycare is worse than rocket science

April 26, 2012 By mummyk 6 Comments

This week I made the decision to take out my daughter from her old daycare and move her entirely to the new one (I said “I” but I did consult hubby too – he trusts my judgment on this – the house “is” a democracy – ahem — sometimes).

It saddens me a bit given that she’s been with her old daycare for almost three years now, but I think it’s time to move on.

The decision-making process was quite difficult. At least with rocket science, facts are facts and have no need for emotion. Choosing a daycare requires a lot more than checking out the facilities and the program. It also requires being sensitive to what your child is saying and not saying.

I decided to put her in two different centres after I spoke with some of the parents from her old daycare who moved their kids to the new daycare.

I’ve thought about it since last year after MiniMe’s carer left her old daycare for the new daycare. She spoke to me honestly about the situation and why she’s moving. It didn’t have anything to do with how the centre handles kids, it was just a personal decision because the old centre couldn’t meet her need for extra hours.

But the problem after that was that the carer turnover became too often for my comfort. I could sense that most of the new staff were just there for work, not really connecting with the children. It became worse after more staff members left and new ones were pulled in.

So I put her in the new daycare where her old carer now works to see if she liked the place. The first day she went there, her old carer greeted her like she was her long lost grand daughter. I almost cried. You can’t fake sincerity like that and I saw the connection even after they haven’t seen each other for months.

I knew she was always more excited to go to her new daycare rather than her old daycare. Everytime I mentioned she was going to her old daycare, she would frown. But I brushed it aside, thinking the novelty of the new centre hasn’t worn off yet.

But now it’s already more than two months since she started her new school and the excitement is still there. What really did it for me was when we parked outside her old daycare for the morning drop off and she burst into tears after seeing it wasn’t her new school. She refused to get out of the car and it was a long struggle before she finally went in. That was the first time in over three years that she’s done that. She didn’t cry inside after I left but still it cemented the decision. I’ve wanted to move her to her new school for quite some time now, but MiniMe made the decision clearer for me.

The funny thing is that her new school isn’t even new. It’s not fancy or modern. It’s “old school”. It’s familiar. It makes me nostalgic even if I didn’t grow up in the country. It also makes me feel better that the last time someone left the new centre was six years ago – when the old owner sold it to the new owner. The staff has been there for over eight years.

I had several conversations with friends, trying to figure things out, asking about their own experiences. It’s good to get the wisdom of other mothers in situations like this.

I’ve also decided not to put MiniMe through pre-school. I know this is another hot topic of debate for parents but I’m not going to get into it. The new school runs a proper pre-school program for kids in the right age, even if they’re officially a daycare. If my daughter didn’t like this setup, she would have told me. But she is excited everytime we go there and doesn’t want to go home everytime I pick her up. Good signs.

Choosing daycares for kids should be as easy as rocket science. But it isn’t. Sometimes I think you need a blue ribbon committee to help you make these decisions.

Filed Under: Family and Friends Tagged With: carer, daycare, school

I depend on you, other mothers

April 20, 2012 By mummyk 5 Comments

The title sums it pretty much.

I depend on you.

Yes you, oh other mothers. This isn’t sarcasm.

I rely on you to tell me what I can do better.

I’ve been lucky that in the course of my three years as a mum, I haven’t bumped into one of those mothers – you know, the ones who point out to you what you’re doing wrong instead of suggest an alternative.

Or maybe my size is too menacing that they bite their tongue lest I sit on their faces and suffocate them to the next life.

I’ve been lucky, yes. I’ve been lucky to have met mums who have inspired me to do things better, or have taught me how to do things better.

I rely on you, other mothers.

I rely on you to teach me how to….

…make great pancakes (you know who you are, I am eternally grateful because now I can smirk at the shaker ones from the store)

…crochet/knit/sew new things with your simple patterns

…cook healthy and tasty meals with your recipes

…pick the best books for my child (because I grew up with very little books and I don’t know what the children’s classics are aside from the obvious Grimm Fairytales – which aren’t really that child-friendly)

…do crafts and arts stuff or what games to play with my daughter

… know about the advantages of different schools, learning styles and teaching environments

…make home made remedies for ailments

…follow my own instincts and stop doubting myself with the decisions I make.

Thank you other mothers. And here’s to supporting instead of criticising (I haven’t had a shower, so if you piss me off, you’ll suffocate from the pungent smell of my behind on your face more than the lack of oxygen to your brain).

Filed Under: Family and Friends Tagged With: motherhood, mothers, parenting

Delaying tactic

March 22, 2012 By mummyk 3 Comments

You know that thing kids do to extend the sleepy time routine? It’s absolutely phenomenal how they can come up with the best things ever just to have that couple of minutes more.

I should be annoyed but how can you be annoyed?

The big hugs and cuddles, with matching “I love you so much mummy.”

Then there’s the Eskimo noses followed by “Thank you so much for taking care of me mummy.”

Then there are the big sloppy kisses and the kisses on the nose followed by “I’m sorry mummy for (insert the tiniest transgression here that she did during the day that can’t really be counted as one).

And more cuddles, kisses and I love yous.

It’s only a couple of minutes each night. And although it’s blatant manipulation to extend the sleepy time routine, I really honestly don’t care. It only lasts a couple of minutes. And it doesn’t last that long too. I only have a couple more years till these little things stop.

So I’m going to extend these delaying tactics for as long as I can.

Filed Under: Family and Friends, Life at home Tagged With: cuddles, sleepy time

The art of interviewing while wiping my daughter’s bottom

March 16, 2012 By mummyk 8 Comments

I was just in the middle of an early morning phone interview with a CEO from the US when I hear her cry from her bedroom, looking for me or daddy.

I stuck to my guns and stayed on my desk. I couldn’t leave while he was still talking now could I?

Eventually she realised I wasn’t going to go in her room to comfort her (heart breaking), so she got out tentatively – following the sound of my voice. She popped her sleepy head in and realised what I was doing. She whispered so very quietly that she needed to poo, so I helped her take off her night nappy, and she ran to the toilet to do her little business.

I kept on working, asking the questions, thanking the heavens the interviewee was good and succinct. Then I hear her from the toilet.

“Mummy, I’m finished doing a poo poo.”

What do you do?

The interviewee was just in the middle of his answer to my last question. I didn’t know if he was going to finish soon or not. So I had to wait for him to finish his answer before I fired off the next question.

I ran to the toilet, wiped her little bottom, asked her to flush the toilet and wash her hands, and ran back to the interview I was recording. This is a three-year old child we’re talking about. Thank God she’s brilliant.

I realised I didn’t wash my hands. Good thing there was a box of wipes nearby.

She snuck in again, this time carrying her undies. I asked my interviewee another question while putting on my little one’s undies. She whispered she needed help taking her fairy dress out of the closet.

So after asking the next question, I ran again, this time to her closet, taking the dress off the hanger and running back to my desk.

By the next question, I was already putting on her dress for her.

I rock at multi tasking.

The interview finished shortly after and I went to find my sweet angel, sitting quietly – waiting for me to finish.

I gave her a huge cuddle, and thanked her for being such a great girl. It’s amazing how she understands that she needs to be quiet when I’m interviewing someone. I didn’t even have to tell her, she just took the initiative to whisper and not make any noise.

Amazing I say.

It’s also hilarious that I was able to manage to finish the interview while wiping my daughter’s bottom, dressing her up and getting her morning milk. I guess I can run really fast when I need to.

Filed Under: Family and Friends, Work related Tagged With: daughter, interview, Work related

Girls’ weekend out

March 14, 2012 By mummyk 6 Comments

It’s unusual for us to get a girls’ day out in the city. Usually, it’s in a park somewhere or a play centre nearby. But having had to be on the computer a lot of the times, I felt we could grab this chance to have some time together while hubby’s at work.

She was keen to see animals so I took her to the Sydney Wildlife Park for the afternoon. We spent two hours in there, fascinated by the local wildlife. She patted the stick insect and the lizard but refused the python (I don’t blame her, I never wanted to touch snakes myself). She especially loved the butterflies, but wouldn’t go near the glass where the five-metre croc was kept. She didn’t trust the glass to hold the croc in. After the wildlife park, we walked towards the nearby Lindt Café –one of my favourite places in the world. I’ve even composed a letter to Lindt about it:

Dear Lindt people,

I just wanted to let you know that when I found out my baby was a girl, your café came into mind.

There I was, weak and exhausted from 26 hours of labour, and already I was daydreaming about the things I wanted to do with my newborn. I had visions in my head of my future with her. It didn’t include shopping, like what most mums and daughters would do. I was thinking we could go out and see something – perhaps the zoo, the aquarium, iMax, museums and stuff – then end the day with a trip to Lindt for an afternoon of waffles. We’d relax and talk and get a sugar high before heading home.

You see, when I was in highschool, I used to stop by my father’s third work place (he used to have three jobs to get us through school) after school and stay there to watch him work. It was a daily newspaper and I loved the smell of the office. I’d observe him and go through their stock of notepads (I have a stationery addiction) while waiting for him to finish. When he’s done, even without me saying it, he’d take me to our favourite hotdog place to buy me a footlong with the works before heading home. It was our little thing.

I wanted the Lindt waffle to be my little thing with MiniMe. I want her to know that even after weeks of being on deadline, we can have our special little thing together.

When she’s older, and perhaps go through the inevitable heartache, it can be our special little place – to talk, to hang out, or just be.

So you see Lindt, you’re not just a chocolate café for us. There’s a long-term plan for your waffles, and I thank God I discovered it before I had MiniMe.

Sincerely,

K

After our trip to Lindt, we took the little train back to Harbourside to catch the tram. But after it passed by the Chinese Garden, I made an impromptu decision to jump out and see it with her since I’ve never seen the garden myself. My decision to wear the wrong footwear almost persuaded me to just go home, but I pushed past it. I love it when my heart skips a beat and her eyes light up from the excitement of her mum’s surprise decisions.

We only had 30 minutes before the garden closed for a wedding but we went in anyway. We saw the shop that hired costumes in the garden so we went in for a look. She was fascinated by the “princess outfits” and so I just had to let her do dress ups. It was only $5 to dress her up and you get to take her around the garden for a photo shoot. It was one of those moments when I wish I had one of those four-thirds cameras like the Panasonic Lumix (I couldn’t lug around my DSLR at the zoo – too heavy).

She was absolutely fascinated by her outfit. We went around for a couple of minutes to take photos. The oohs and aahs from people looking at her made my heart swell. I thought it would burst. Her personality totally changed when she put on her princess clothes. She walked more regal – like she absolutely believed she’s been transformed into a princess. We will be going back there again, and this time, I’ll be armed with my proper camera.

I loved our day. We went home absolutely exhausted – legs about to give out. We picked up pasta and pizza and went home to watch a movie together. She wanted to watch The Mummy with her mummy, so we did – only for a couple of minutes though because she desperately needed her bedtime earlier than usual.

On Sunday, we spent the day at the water park. It was such a nice day that I dozed off on the rug. She woke me up and told me to stop snoring. I’ve learned not to take that personally.

It was a perfect girls’ weekend. One of the many girls’ weekends to come.

Filed Under: Family and Friends Tagged With: girls day out, weekend