Love and death

So.

He’s dead. I broke down. Finally, I cried.

The tears in both hubby and me have been bottling up inside us for the last couple of months. The highs and lows were exhausting. One minute it’s all okay, the next minute he’s sliding back into oblivion.

You want to keep hoping but the reality is too strong to deny. When my FIL died on his hospital bed, hubby was in the air on his way to see him, taking the earliest flight he could book. We literally had minutes to pack for his trip after getting the phone call from his brother that his father wasn’t going to last long. I found out about his death first because they couldn’t reach him.

I didn’t know him as long as the others did but when I found out, the tears finally came out. It was cathartic to be finally crying. I just needed to cry instead of displacing all the stress and worry into crochet and various other craft projects I’ve been taking on.

I cried because I’ll miss him. Because the world will never hear his fantastic live gigs. He is an amazing pianist. Listening to him always takes my breath away. It seemed effortless and I so envied his skills. As a father in law, he was very easy to deal with. Chilled and relaxed, like an old muso. The first time I met him, the first thing that came out of my mouth was “You look like Santa Clause”. Riveting comment eh?

But I was also relieved that he finally passed away. Is it wrong to feel that? In the last couple of months, he’s been suffering physically, emotionally and mentally. In the last week, it became even worse. A part of me is glad to know he’ll never feel that pain again. That he’s not suffering anymore.

Hubby called me while he was on his stopover in Canberra. It broke my heart to tell him the news. But it pained me even more that I wasn’t there to comfort him.

On the way to the airport, we were crying in the car while MiniMe hummed in the backseat, oblivious to it all.

“That’s why I always say we should die together when we’re old,” he said.

I couldn’t help but agree.

Here is a You Tube music video of my FIL’s band The Defibrillators. He’s the doctor singing on the old phone.

The thing is that even with this loss, something good came out of it. Hubby spoke to his ex telling her about his dad, our finances and so on. After talking to her husband about it, they extended their help to us. I can’t go into detail but it was an amazing gesture. Beyond amazing, actually.

When hubby told me about it, I wanted to burst into tears in the middle of Spotlight. You’d be blown away too if you knew how far they’ve come after the divorce. Over the years, both sides have slowly mended the fence, and I’m so glad we are at this place now. I called her to thank them for their help, to tell her that they are kind-hearted people. What she said next blew me away even more.

“You guys are family. We need to pull together in times like these.”

God bless them.