I woke up just a bit after 3am and couldn’t go back to sleep.
I’ve never been up before 5.30am for no reason. I like my sleep. Even after I became a mother, I found ways to sleep in until 9am, even 10am sometimes. I am not one of those who work late at night or very early in the morning. If I really have to, I might but the latest would be midnight and that’s it.
I like my sleep. Have I mentioned that already?
But if sleep eludes me, I am not one to lie in bed awake for no reason at all.
So today, I decided to get up and do some of the things in my to do list before dawn breaks.
I keep staring out the window, waiting for the sun to come up. But at the same time, I want the clouds to bring the rain. It’s been raining almost every day the last couple of weeks. It limits things we can do. And I know some people hate the rain and the grey clouds. But as much as I love the sunshine, I also love the rain. I love grey skies all day. I love that when I look out the window, I can’t tell what time it is because the sky hasn’t changed colour. I love the sound of the rain on my window.
I don’t want to analyse it too much. I just know I do love the rain. It brings out a lot more of my creativity than the sun, I think.
Lately, I’ve been trying to find the time to do everything on my list. “Maybe you should wake up earlier,” my little voice says. Nope. That bit I’m not compromising on.
For the most part, I have been able to do the things that need to be done. It’s the things I want to do that are getting set aside.
For instance, right now I have 10 articles on my list that needs to be written. Some can be written now while others need more information from people I’m waiting on. I know I need to work on these things now. They provide the family with a really good monthly income and I want to sustain it so I don’t have to go back to an office environment.
But at the same time, there is this personal project I want to keep working on – the other book I’ve started writing last year. I finished my second children’s book already (yay) and I’m waiting for some feedback from the two competitions I joined. If it doesn’t get picked up, I’ll self-publish it. The other project is a bigger one, much scarier one because it is bigger. And knowing my laziness to finish big projects (I can’t even finish knitting a cape because it takes too long), I am afraid that if I don’t keep at it, I’ll just dump it – which would be very unfortunate given I actually got real life feedback from a real life publisher. And the feedback wasn’t bad either. It was even open and hopeful, with some future possibilities.
I know, right? I should really keep at it. I do wonder how other working mums do it – juggle kids and work and personal projects. I wouldn’t mind hearing some tips – as long as it doesn’t compromise my sleeping habits.
So again I look outside the window and it’s looking grey. My heart skips a beat.