It’s one of those moments when everything is hard, or seems harder.
The uncertainty is causing much anxiety. It’s hard to sleep and when I do, my mind is on overdrive.
Are we moving? Are we going to be okay? Are we going interstate? For how long? Three years? Forever?
At least now I’m sure we’re not going to London. Or I think I’m sure.
Uncertainty. Again.
I’m exhausted. I want to run away. To disappear. To just be in a cave somewhere and never come out.
I’m a worse mother because of all this. I’m always thinking. Researching. I can’t just be. I can’t enjoy the moment.
I’m flexible and I’m lucky my job is flexible too. I know I can adapt even if we end up in a tiny town somewhere in woopwoop. It’s not where we are going. It’s the vagueness of things, which means I can’t plan. It’s not being able to help speed up the process, or control the outcome.
I’ve written down things I could do short of doing an actual diagram with arrows of ‘ifs’ and ‘thens’. I guess it’s that side of me again – the one that wants to be in control all the time, or contribute to the process. When it’s all beyond what I can do, it irritates me and makes me anxious.
Wherever we end up though, I’m sure it’s for the right reasons.
But for now, I really really want to take up drinking again.
That situation would drive me crazy! Like to be in control too and I definitely do not like uncertainty. Hang in there!
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I have been in similar funks. And I have actually done ‘if’ and ‘when’ with arrow diagrams. The end outcome was always the same – everything = OK. Still the unknowing is hard. Hope you know soon enough.
Alana recently posted..Things I know
I hear ya honey! I’m exactly the same but it sounds like you’re going through far more than me at the moment. I hope soon answers will come so your brain can switch off… for the time being anyway!
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Being in limbo is tough. You feel so out of control and just no idea where life’s going to take you.
But I think it will all sort itself out, K. It always does for you and your beautiful family x
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I can only imagine how this must be playing on your mind. I am exactly the same way and uncertainty just does my head in. x
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What was it that somebody said? The only thing certain in life is uncertainty? Breathe and let go, kapatid. You will pull through this — you guys always do, no matter how challenging the situation. Diba?
I know kapatid. The nervous mouse in me just keeps nibbling sometimes. Nagka gastro tuloy ako! At least I lost 2kg hahaha!
MummyK recently posted..I’m in a funk
If it’s any consolation, I’d be exactly the same! I too am a control freak, mega planner so the uncertainly would have a tight grip on my anxiety levels too. Just try to trust the process and believe that whatever happens will be meant to be. Wishing you luck with it all xx
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