I’m in the business of communication – journalism. But for a communicator, I’m a lousy communicator.
I hate confrontation. My brain freezes when I’m emotional and nothing comes out of my mouth when in reality there are a million things I want to say. So when this happens, I revert to the familiar – the old way that I used to deal with this.
I write. I write it on my journal or my blog instead of talking to the person.
It wasn’t effective then (when I started doing it in highschool) and it’s not effective now. It’s a juvenile way of dealing with conflict. Writing passive aggressive blog posts in the hope that the person you are targeting actually reads your blog is very juvenile. You get no feedback because you are writing to yourself and what usually happens is that you end up building this story in your head, adding more evidence to your own version of the story over time until it morphs into something so unrealistic it’s like Reality TV.
In my experience, when I had no choice but to actually confront the person, things end up not being as bad as I’ve convinced myself it was. Things are clarified and the story in my head is rebutted. Even if things are not resolved and you realise it’s not something worth pursuing, then at least you’ve dealt with it and it doesn’t extend any more than is necessary.
I have to remember this. I have to constantly remind myself not to revert back to the familiar way and actually find a more efficient and productive way to resolve things. It’s hard though because it is human nature to go back to the familiar, even if it hasn’t worked in the past. I have used this passive aggressive ways so many times before – so very many times in so many of my relationships. And instead of solving things, it only made things worse.
There are many of us out there – passive aggressive writers. When someone points out how childish it is, we react even worse because we don’t think there’s anything wrong with what we’re doing.
Talking is better than writing a blog post.
Pause. Think. Then find a better way to deal with it.
It’s not just the adult way to do things, it’s the clever way to do things. What’s the meaning of insanity again? Repeating the same thing over and over again expecting a different outcome? If the old ways didn’t resolve anything, why keep repeating it?