My professor in Singapore once said that having a family turned him into a coward. He was an advocate for media freedom of speech, and in Singapore, that’s quite a big no-no.
It was hard for me to understand then about what he meant. I mean, I know what he was trying to say but I didn’t feel what he meant.
Now I do. It is scary that my life, my happiness, my entire being’s fulfillment is dependent on two other people. I never thought this was possible but now, here I am, living the life I never imagined I would be living.
Real happiness. I feel true happiness in my family. Every time I see her, smell her, watch her. Every time we all play in bed, dogs and all. Every kiss, every touch, every cuddle and laughter – even the contented silence. I’ve never been happier my entire life, yet I’ve never been more scared too. My happiness is dependent on the well being of my family. It’s not mine anymore. I’m scared that I am not in control. But I remind myself constantly that life is not a Joss Whedon show. I take a deep breath and soak everything in.
Bathe in the present. Now only comes once.